“I have never tasted so much blood ever in my life”

I thought about writing blogs during my stay at the hospital, but I had been too weak to do so. Writing this now, I feel hope, knowing that I am in recovery and have gained part of my strength back.

Day 1: Arrived at the hospital for my deviated septum/turbinate surgery at 9. Had to be on fast until surgery at 3pm. Last drink of water at 10am. Lying down on my hospital bed, I felt literally nothing. No fear, no anxiousness, no turning back. All I could think about was, “food”! Seriously, I was very hungry. When the time came for my departure into the operating theater, I felt a tinge of fear creep up my spine. “This is really going to happen!” My dad was in my ward and he was the last person I saw before heading out. Just laying in my bed, feelingless, emotionless, heading towards surgery. The corridors I was wheeled into and all the different lights above me. It felt sort of like an episode of House. Honestly, the one thing I feared most was, being put on drip. I hate needles and the thought of having one in my hand, in a vein, for more than a couple seconds made me shiver already. The surgery was not bothering me at all. It’s funny, right now I would take the drip over the surgery anytime!

When the anesthetist finally got that needle in there, I thought to myself; “this is actually happening, they are going to be operating on my nose, I’m going to have to recover, there’s going to be blood”.

It was very quick, I didn’t get any “1, 2, 3….Zzzzzzzzz”. Nope, all I got was a syringe in my hand, pumping some kind of morphine into my blood stream and in seconds I just went. I don’t even remember the moment I fell into slumber. All I remember is gasping(waking up) in the observation room, feeling as dizzy and disorientated as ever, realizing this actually happened. What was going to happen, has now happened, and I did Not care about the surgery, all I cared about was “air”. My nasal passage ways were all blocked by blood and pegs that were put there to absorb the bleeding(which it did absorb the bleeding, even though blood did flow from the back of my throat and through my nostrils onto my hospital gown). I really thank God for technology! Imagine how this surgery would have felt like 50 years back? God, the pain was already intolerable, and the blood, drowning; what-more for patients doing the exact same operation 50 years ago. Sleep had been the real struggle. There was no proper angle to get some good sleep. No matter what angle, the blood would just continue to flow down my throat and my mouth-breathing caused dryness of the throat and a sore feeling when I swallowed. I had been attacked many times by fear, especially the first 8 hours after the surgery. I was afraid I would die. It’s stupid, I know, but that feeling if not being able to breathe through yours nostrils and relying on your mouth for oxygen was scary. I could not sleep, I could barely speak, I could swallow, but in pain. I cried that night. I cried and fell asleep only to wake up 5 minutes later choking on the blood. That first night was the worst. No sleep for even one hour straight. I was exhausted, sweaty, in pain, and looking forward to tomorrow. God had really been there with me. I don’t say this in some religious, phony tone. He pulled me through and only when I prayed and took authority over fear, could I be at peace and accept this as a blessing for my future.

Many came to visit me at the hospital, and I truly thank every single one of you. I have never felt such love and on my birthday! Truly the best birthday I have ever had! Honestly, and I’m not saying this as a phony.

I was in the hospital for 4 days, and those 4 days were the longest 4 days I have ever been through!

I’m now recovering at home and am feeling better. It’s been 5 days since the surgery and the bleeding has not stopped, but lessened. My sleep at night has been better, at least a couple hours in a row before I wake up to drink some water. The most difficult part right now is: the cleaning of the nose with saline water, swallowing of food, and sleeping.

I look forward to my daily showers, as it refreshes me and makes me clean. My meals have been purely soup based(to aid in swallowing). My body still feels weak and I have a strong urge to drive my car! It’s funny really. I want to sit with my dogs, relax and finally sleep! Haha. These desires that I have are so simple.

Also, the countless number of weird dreams I’ve been having, probably caused by the medication, have been really weird and random. Honestly, right now I just really want to go to church, to spend time with my family, friends, maybe go and watch a comedy or something. However, my body bid not permit me to do so at the moment. I feel like I may fall asleep at any moment. That’s how weak I am.

I got tons of love from some people, during my stays at the hospital. I’m not going to mention who, but you know who you are! ;) cakes, cupcakes, kitkat, and many other things.

I realize now that this blog is starting to go a little random and maybe I need to end this post soon as my fingers are growing weak as well.

Anyway, I just wanted to put this lesson here and let you know what’s been up.

Lesson learned: AUTHORITY, LOVE, & THANKSGIVING.

Authority over fear. It’s a choice, a decision to overcome and to put fear in it’s place.

Love is not Hollywood. It’s pure, it’s a gesture, a state of being, kindness, it’s not sex, it’s being there for the ones you love and putting aside all differences to see them whole.

Thanksgiving. This surgery is not a curse, it is a blessing. God has provided everything for me, even corrective surgery. I may not have an iPhone or a fancy sports car or the greatest of material things, but I have been blessed with the essentials of family, church, friends, relationship, principles, salvation, life, recovery, love, and many more.

I really learned this over this short period and maybe this is a bonus to the surgery, that I may learn new principles and a new level of thanksgiving to God for all these amazing “things” He has done and had placed in my life.

Authority, Love, & Thanksgiving.

Playlist: Yellowcard - When You’re Through Thinking, Say Yes

Yellowcard - Paper Walls

Hillsong Chapel - Yahweh

Hillsong Live - A Beautiful Exchange