I’m back!
I know tumblr heeds not my return. Nor does it make any difference, as the interwebs has a mind of it’s own!
I have just been too busy to be involved on the interwebs. Assignments, planning, work…etc. I have not downloaded anything for a couple months now and my iPod is dying for some love! Btw, is anybody experiencing problems with fileshare and other file storage sites? Because, I have been incapable of making musical magic via download! Yes! This is frustrating! Frust-trait-thing!!!

Anyhow, here is a little update:
One assignment and Capstone Project left for my MBA. (wwwwhhhaaaaaa!!!!)

It’s great! Feels so good to be so much closer to the goal.

As for the things I have learned:
I don’t face the same challenges that I had before and while I was taking a “inspiration walk” during lunch, I realized something! “cha” is a word referring to “tea”. Think about it.
Cha-llenges. It’s like tea.

It’s all difficult and leafy. All greenish and complicated. But once I am able to overcome the simplicity of tea. The simplicity of “cha”, then and only then can I partake of the perfect cup of tea.

Same with cha-llenges, they seem difficult, complicated, and are exfoliating agents. Everybody partakes of cha-llenges and they come in different packages. They stain your teeth and make their homes in our stomaches.

Once I or we can overcome the cha-llenges in our lives we can then move on to things that seem more cha-llenging and readily take exfoliation to purify our bodies.

Simply said: life is a cup of tea!
(or “cha”, whatever it is.)

Recently, things have changed in my life. These things that have happened are good things. Education has been steady and my future is secure. Work has been good and business has been booming! Church-life has been great and iChurch( http://www.ichurch.my ) is on a move forward. I finished 1/3 of my final Masters assignments and I start on an entirely different Masters course next week. The pressure has been building and this is all something to learn from, to develop, to become the best I can be. I was the car last night with Jessie( guess who she is ;) ) and something just happened. My mind work against me. I questioned my future and fear took it’s grip on me. It said: “You will never be able to provide for yourself, let alone her.” I began to believe that. 5 minutes, that’s all it took. Amazing! 5 minutes to pull me completely down.

I struggled, familiar feelings of passivity began to flow through my body.

Jessie saying: “what’s going on? You seem far away.” (or something close to that)

Then suddenly, my spirit spoke up. “this isn’t right, this is contradictory to God’s Word, and you have to take authority right now.” “Right now, not later, now!”

A couple of years back, I would not have thought of such a thing.

But this was true, I had to take authority over my carnal nature and the curse of this world. In that moment I just started confessing blessings over my life and speaking my mind back in line. This may seem weird to some, but this was real and had to be dealt with immediately. The moment I got my mind back in line everything was fine again. This cloud that was stationary over my head had been moved and I had faith and love for my future.

Authority is a right, it’s an action and it’s willpower.

“I have never tasted so much blood ever in my life”

I thought about writing blogs during my stay at the hospital, but I had been too weak to do so. Writing this now, I feel hope, knowing that I am in recovery and have gained part of my strength back.

Day 1: Arrived at the hospital for my deviated septum/turbinate surgery at 9. Had to be on fast until surgery at 3pm. Last drink of water at 10am. Lying down on my hospital bed, I felt literally nothing. No fear, no anxiousness, no turning back. All I could think about was, “food”! Seriously, I was very hungry. When the time came for my departure into the operating theater, I felt a tinge of fear creep up my spine. “This is really going to happen!” My dad was in my ward and he was the last person I saw before heading out. Just laying in my bed, feelingless, emotionless, heading towards surgery. The corridors I was wheeled into and all the different lights above me. It felt sort of like an episode of House. Honestly, the one thing I feared most was, being put on drip. I hate needles and the thought of having one in my hand, in a vein, for more than a couple seconds made me shiver already. The surgery was not bothering me at all. It’s funny, right now I would take the drip over the surgery anytime!

When the anesthetist finally got that needle in there, I thought to myself; “this is actually happening, they are going to be operating on my nose, I’m going to have to recover, there’s going to be blood”.

It was very quick, I didn’t get any “1, 2, 3….Zzzzzzzzz”. Nope, all I got was a syringe in my hand, pumping some kind of morphine into my blood stream and in seconds I just went. I don’t even remember the moment I fell into slumber. All I remember is gasping(waking up) in the observation room, feeling as dizzy and disorientated as ever, realizing this actually happened. What was going to happen, has now happened, and I did Not care about the surgery, all I cared about was “air”. My nasal passage ways were all blocked by blood and pegs that were put there to absorb the bleeding(which it did absorb the bleeding, even though blood did flow from the back of my throat and through my nostrils onto my hospital gown). I really thank God for technology! Imagine how this surgery would have felt like 50 years back? God, the pain was already intolerable, and the blood, drowning; what-more for patients doing the exact same operation 50 years ago. Sleep had been the real struggle. There was no proper angle to get some good sleep. No matter what angle, the blood would just continue to flow down my throat and my mouth-breathing caused dryness of the throat and a sore feeling when I swallowed. I had been attacked many times by fear, especially the first 8 hours after the surgery. I was afraid I would die. It’s stupid, I know, but that feeling if not being able to breathe through yours nostrils and relying on your mouth for oxygen was scary. I could not sleep, I could barely speak, I could swallow, but in pain. I cried that night. I cried and fell asleep only to wake up 5 minutes later choking on the blood. That first night was the worst. No sleep for even one hour straight. I was exhausted, sweaty, in pain, and looking forward to tomorrow. God had really been there with me. I don’t say this in some religious, phony tone. He pulled me through and only when I prayed and took authority over fear, could I be at peace and accept this as a blessing for my future.

Many came to visit me at the hospital, and I truly thank every single one of you. I have never felt such love and on my birthday! Truly the best birthday I have ever had! Honestly, and I’m not saying this as a phony.

I was in the hospital for 4 days, and those 4 days were the longest 4 days I have ever been through!

I’m now recovering at home and am feeling better. It’s been 5 days since the surgery and the bleeding has not stopped, but lessened. My sleep at night has been better, at least a couple hours in a row before I wake up to drink some water. The most difficult part right now is: the cleaning of the nose with saline water, swallowing of food, and sleeping.

I look forward to my daily showers, as it refreshes me and makes me clean. My meals have been purely soup based(to aid in swallowing). My body still feels weak and I have a strong urge to drive my car! It’s funny really. I want to sit with my dogs, relax and finally sleep! Haha. These desires that I have are so simple.

Also, the countless number of weird dreams I’ve been having, probably caused by the medication, have been really weird and random. Honestly, right now I just really want to go to church, to spend time with my family, friends, maybe go and watch a comedy or something. However, my body bid not permit me to do so at the moment. I feel like I may fall asleep at any moment. That’s how weak I am.

I got tons of love from some people, during my stays at the hospital. I’m not going to mention who, but you know who you are! ;) cakes, cupcakes, kitkat, and many other things.

I realize now that this blog is starting to go a little random and maybe I need to end this post soon as my fingers are growing weak as well.

Anyway, I just wanted to put this lesson here and let you know what’s been up.

Lesson learned: AUTHORITY, LOVE, & THANKSGIVING.

Authority over fear. It’s a choice, a decision to overcome and to put fear in it’s place.

Love is not Hollywood. It’s pure, it’s a gesture, a state of being, kindness, it’s not sex, it’s being there for the ones you love and putting aside all differences to see them whole.

Thanksgiving. This surgery is not a curse, it is a blessing. God has provided everything for me, even corrective surgery. I may not have an iPhone or a fancy sports car or the greatest of material things, but I have been blessed with the essentials of family, church, friends, relationship, principles, salvation, life, recovery, love, and many more.

I really learned this over this short period and maybe this is a bonus to the surgery, that I may learn new principles and a new level of thanksgiving to God for all these amazing “things” He has done and had placed in my life.

Authority, Love, & Thanksgiving.

Playlist: Yellowcard - When You’re Through Thinking, Say Yes

Yellowcard - Paper Walls

Hillsong Chapel - Yahweh

Hillsong Live - A Beautiful Exchange

Just got stung while showering by this bee. Definitely not my best shower.

I hate bees! *shivers*

Been working on some new stuff recently. Especially Church-related ideas.

New, exciting things are going to be happening!

Check it out here:

http://www.momentumwhc.tumblr.com 

http://www.whcmy.com

P.S. I am planning for a little photo walk/shoot this Saturday at the Lake Gardens.

Interested in joining in or getting involved in future events?

Contact me here: info@danielisaacphotography.com

Today at Harvest Resource: We look to Yahweh, Yahweh.

Life is much too short to be stressing on the past. If this era we lived(I just noticed this horrendous spelling error hours after this post was published and now I have the need to change it, but will let it remain as long as you, the kind reader, notice this lunacy and accept my dear apologies for this and generally accept this “lived” as “live”. Thank You.)  in was something even close to 100BC, then I guess we would have hundreds of years to live with the past in our hearts before actually getting over it and moving on and still have a couple hundred years left to live. I believe God is good in the way that life on earth has evolved and life is cherished more than it probably would have been. I don’t know, maybe I’m wrong, but if there’s anything I remember from the previous Leadership Seminar at University Malaya, it is that: “if I fail, I should just accept the mistakes made and continue to innovate.”

Steve Jobs was on to something right there. That is truth, bible truth to be exact.

I want to talk about the simple things. Today, I just felt really down and actually angry even. I felt like a second chance in my life was wasted and the worst part of it all is that it was not my fault and I have no control. It’s a scary situation. A real situation. Being without control. Then again, I’m not a witch and neither do I enjoy witchcraft(other than the occasional Harry Potter hype that I have).

While watching a movie last night with my father, it hit me. It hit me hard. My life is not a movie. I can’t write what the characters in my story do or say. I can’t write for anyone but me. I write a whole lot and this is frustrating. Frustrating because, words and merely just words. They are simple and without meaning. Unless I give meaning to them, but I only have control over my own words.

Still, that is fine. That is great. I don’t need to control anything or anyone other than myself.

My thoughts in the shower: These are usually screenplays of my own life and the different outcomes that may be if I had done things differently. These thoughts actually play in sequence and almost exactly like a play with a dialog with characters and a setting. These are actually pretty depressing and I wonder why I do this. It’s become much more than occasional and is a habit. Sometimes subconsciously these “plays” begin and inspire my writing.

Other than that I believe I have control over my life. “my will is the most potent force in the universe for Pete’s sake!”

Thus, anybody who has the nerve to tell me I’m impotent, they have used their potency to tell me how impotent my potency really is.

Sorry about the above paragraph, I just had to.

Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that willpower is amazing and God-given. I was sincerely pissed off today and I just wanted to lash out at a specific person and release all this “pfffftttt” on (person). Still, God convicted my heart. Is this really who I want to be. I’m better than that. It’s a challenge and as Barney Stinson would say: “challenge accepted!”. It’s only going to make me stronger and wiser to leave my carnal nature to the passenger seat and take control of this human vehicle. Thus, I did not lash out or become this angry human being(though I really wanted to, and my pride told me I had nothing to lose).

I watched this movie called “Karla” last night and it totally freaked me out. It stared Laura Prepon, who I honestly could not take seriously(because of her role as “Donna” in That 70’s Show) though she did do a pretty good job. it was about this couple who would rape and murder people. A true story actually and quite psychotic. I could not finish it. That tells you a lot actually, since I do enjoy these kind of inside-the -mind of the killer movies.

Yes, so anyway today I realized my willpower is more prominent than ever before. This is a good thing.

So life should be cherished, it should be priceless, it should be pure, simple and with God as the basis.

Thus, I will continue to drink my coffee, teach my heart out, read books, watch indie films, pray, and keep my carnal nature under control.

Wow, that was nearly a one month hiatus for me. Honestly, I was considering giving up on my tumblr and going silviathecar full-time. Yet, I am compelled to write a little something and today of all days, when I have an essay to write.

I have never been more freaked out by reality before. Seriously. The things that have been happening all over the world and the people dying and the different disasters taking place. I thought to myself, “what is worth living for?” Honestly, nothing came to mind. My job? A girl? My dreams? A car? Education? Nothing. Period. Nothing came close to Christ. If I have all these things and no relationship with God, it would mean absolutely nothing. My life would be empty, dull, and vain.

I just read one of my close friend’s blog post(rockabyeberry.tumblr.com) and there was something on there that struck me. Nobody lives forever(well on earth at least, or whatever (you) believe). So why live for today? Why live for the moment? I took a few minutes to think about the people around me. My grandparents, my family, my friends, my church. These people deserve my all and I don’t want to have to see them fade away without me doing my best. I will meet my Maker one day, and I would like to think that when that day comes, I would be content in my heart.

It’s ironic because I’m leaving for a funeral in 2 hours time and this is reality. Life happens. Death happens. But one thing remains. God.

It’s time to buck up, grow up, and take charge of life according to God’s rules.

This is re-typed.

What one of my students wrote and recited in the back seat of my car just minutes ago without my knowledge. I nearly crashed out of heart-melted sincerity! NOBODY has done something so sincere and lovely like this for me in a long time. I actually teared a little. This is what keeps me going on.

Here it is:

The Secrets of The Teacher Daniel

1) Teacher Daniel is a great teacher. But I call him Dan Cha Cha because he is Zoe’s brother. We go to the same church. He is nice to me and he is kind. He has an iTouch!

2) Teacher Daniel is a nice teacher. he likes me alot. But he is busy with his work and he can speak malay.

3) He does not like his car with dirt and once growed long hair that looks like a girl, but now his hair is short. i like it.

4) He named his dog tipi and tootsie. They are cute but tootsie is cuter. Teacher Daniel is a youth and he is funny!

The End

Written by: Prince Barrios, 8.

Again, my spirit aches and only by God’s grace and mercy can I make it through another day.

The devil is a character that torments me at just about every turn. I’m not trying to be poetic or deep at all. This is just how it is. Monday night I fall, Tuesday afternoon I hurt.

Forgiveness is hard stuff. Why is it hard? Because forgiveness isn’t genuine until it doesn’t hurt anymore. 

Honesty.

Truthfulness.

Sincerity.

Simplicity.

Christ.

These are are words I admire.

Everyday is a battle to the next and God is the only thing that keeps me moving, rather than falling flat, curling up, and decaying.

I cry. I cry my heart out and it’s only God who hears me. My tears finding comfort in the everlasting love of the Father. I could not find love in the world, I could not find love in music, and lastly I could not find love in return from the girl I had loved.

This is my conclusion: The earthly stuff is all good and great and whatever. Don’t get me wrong, I want to have a family and all that, but the world will fail me. The world will and has broken my heart. The question is, why have I searched for love in the world and people, when God has always been there to love me? 

This is not cliche, this is not some “Christian-come-to-christ-or-die-in-hell” crap that I hear oh too often. This is REAL LIFE. I as a Christian, as a Pastors Kid, as a Teacher, and as a Student, have faults and I do hurt and battle with temptations and betrayal. 

Hopefully, one day this blog may be helpful to people who stumble across it. 

Lesson: Emptiness and hurt is reality, but God and His love is salvation for me.