Life is much too short to be stressing on the past. If this era we lived(I just noticed this horrendous spelling error hours after this post was published and now I have the need to change it, but will let it remain as long as you, the kind reader, notice this lunacy and accept my dear apologies for this and generally accept this “lived” as “live”. Thank You.)  in was something even close to 100BC, then I guess we would have hundreds of years to live with the past in our hearts before actually getting over it and moving on and still have a couple hundred years left to live. I believe God is good in the way that life on earth has evolved and life is cherished more than it probably would have been. I don’t know, maybe I’m wrong, but if there’s anything I remember from the previous Leadership Seminar at University Malaya, it is that: “if I fail, I should just accept the mistakes made and continue to innovate.”

Steve Jobs was on to something right there. That is truth, bible truth to be exact.

I want to talk about the simple things. Today, I just felt really down and actually angry even. I felt like a second chance in my life was wasted and the worst part of it all is that it was not my fault and I have no control. It’s a scary situation. A real situation. Being without control. Then again, I’m not a witch and neither do I enjoy witchcraft(other than the occasional Harry Potter hype that I have).

While watching a movie last night with my father, it hit me. It hit me hard. My life is not a movie. I can’t write what the characters in my story do or say. I can’t write for anyone but me. I write a whole lot and this is frustrating. Frustrating because, words and merely just words. They are simple and without meaning. Unless I give meaning to them, but I only have control over my own words.

Still, that is fine. That is great. I don’t need to control anything or anyone other than myself.

My thoughts in the shower: These are usually screenplays of my own life and the different outcomes that may be if I had done things differently. These thoughts actually play in sequence and almost exactly like a play with a dialog with characters and a setting. These are actually pretty depressing and I wonder why I do this. It’s become much more than occasional and is a habit. Sometimes subconsciously these “plays” begin and inspire my writing.

Other than that I believe I have control over my life. “my will is the most potent force in the universe for Pete’s sake!”

Thus, anybody who has the nerve to tell me I’m impotent, they have used their potency to tell me how impotent my potency really is.

Sorry about the above paragraph, I just had to.

Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that willpower is amazing and God-given. I was sincerely pissed off today and I just wanted to lash out at a specific person and release all this “pfffftttt” on (person). Still, God convicted my heart. Is this really who I want to be. I’m better than that. It’s a challenge and as Barney Stinson would say: “challenge accepted!”. It’s only going to make me stronger and wiser to leave my carnal nature to the passenger seat and take control of this human vehicle. Thus, I did not lash out or become this angry human being(though I really wanted to, and my pride told me I had nothing to lose).

I watched this movie called “Karla” last night and it totally freaked me out. It stared Laura Prepon, who I honestly could not take seriously(because of her role as “Donna” in That 70’s Show) though she did do a pretty good job. it was about this couple who would rape and murder people. A true story actually and quite psychotic. I could not finish it. That tells you a lot actually, since I do enjoy these kind of inside-the -mind of the killer movies.

Yes, so anyway today I realized my willpower is more prominent than ever before. This is a good thing.

So life should be cherished, it should be priceless, it should be pure, simple and with God as the basis.

Thus, I will continue to drink my coffee, teach my heart out, read books, watch indie films, pray, and keep my carnal nature under control.